Scorpio Season…in it’s Truest Form

October 29, 2020

I love birthdays — I love a time that’s designated to illustrating the love and deserved attention of a person. Don’t get me wrong, I’m also a big time advocate for those acts randomly. I do think there’s something really special though, about being on the receiving end of an outpouring of a whole lot of those little things from a collection of your people at once.

I love my birthday (I am a Scorpio). I look forward to my birthday. I’m a giver — showing up for people in ways that demonstrates the extent to which I see them, is my total purpose. I see it’s power, and I anticipate my birthday as an opportunity for people to be that person right back to me. Yet, who knew that my birthday was also something I so deeply grappled with. Part of my innate ‘giver-ness’ means I show up. There’s a thing, I’m there. There’s a need, I’ll help. I’m beginning to understand that in a sense, that external dedication leaves me to be less clear on what showing up for me looks like.

Last year for my birthday I decided to pull together a meaningful gathering in Prospect Park, inspired by “The Art of Gathering” by Priya Parker. Jonah, my husband, asked people to indulge in my weekly ritual of stopping at the Grand Army Plaza GrowNYC Greenmarket, pick up something that spoke to them, and meet at a longitudinal x latitudinal…pin drop. We hung out, ate mostly carbs, cheese and pickled things and reflected on this prompt: “How has something that you have learned or experienced over this past year, influenced the way that you interact with the world around you?” It had been a personally challenging year; centered by the tragic loss of my friend and scorpio sister-in-law, whose birthday looms 11 days after my own.

Who could ever have predicted that this year, our safest option would be this type of gathering — bring your own food, connect outdoors when it’s creeping up on being too cold, during the day time before going home for an early Saturday night in. Who knew that last year’s posed prompt would become utterly more layered for most people coming together.

This year I’m turning 30. My birthday is 25 hours (thanks to the daylight savings that tricks you into liking it because you get an extra hour of sleep or parting and then immediately remember that it means that darkness is coming), it’s 2 days before an inarguably transformational election, amidst a spike in the pandemic we’ve been living within for the past 8 months, and an awakening to the pandemic of racial injustice that has been peeking through a far too small veil since all of our beginnings.

So I grapple. I grapple with my steadfast belief that joy, rest, and rejuvenation are critical. And that those things for me feel most fulfilling when in the company of people who I know are resting from the day-to-day heaviness of seeing and being unabashedly un-okay with the realities of our society.

I would be remiss not to mention moments that have my brought me that joy over this year…I gave my whole heart to our pup Shackleton who has grown into his dog-ness and given me a new understanding of what loving and being responsible for one’s well-being can mean. I was graced with an incredible adventure to Africa with my family and closest friends; surrounded by nature and animals in their truest form. My older sister and now older brother got married with 15 members of our immediate families; reminding us again of the power of love during times of deep strife. I became part of a group of 4-women, grounded in holding each other accountable for living towards our most authentic selves, honoring our gifts; some of us had only met over Zoom, 2 of them moved from Brooklyn to Northern California, and a few weeks ago sent me a selfie of themselves with smiles that lit up my heart. I found immense joy in running and buying weekly flowers from the market. I connected daily with the Drive Change Fellows, whose commitment to connection and motivation towards growth has continued to float us through these months that lack much opportunity for control. I’ve played a meaningful role in educating power holders in the food and hospitality sector on how to be accountable to those most often pushed to the margins. And I celebrated my 2-year wedding anniversary with my best friend and forever partner in navigating all of this, Jonah.

I am a giver and I am a teacher — I’m most often filled with compassion and patience, balanced by spouts of deep frustration and rage. And it all is what fulfills me. I spend the majority of my time working. I’m often asked whether or not I would ever switch paths, and told by colleagues and friends that there’s a truth in my ability to walk away at any moment. They know I can’t and I won’t — because it’s more than my work; it’s my heart and it’s my purpose. No matter the heaviness — I will keep giving to those deserving of love and attention.

Learning to be who I am, someone who people know how to show up for, can be lonely at times. I find myself feeling misunderstood. This year I’m taking responsibility for this …I can and will tell people where my head and my heart are. I will honor myself and the people that so clearly want to show up for me right back. Over the past year I’ve received warm acknowledgement of my long(er)-time commitment to justice and equity. I’ve also received concern; from the outside looking in, “is Sarah okay? I know she balances a lot of real and emotional shit.” I do! I am committed to making sure that my loved ones don’t have to ask or wonder. I am proud, I am clear, I’m a fighter. I’m not okay with a lot of things, and I am good. I trust that people who are here for it, will stay. I am utterly blessed and humbled by the love, strength and vulnerability that surrounds me.

I’ve spent a lot of time listening, reading and watching. This year I’ve committed to speaking and sharing with more vigor and confidence. More people have come to me looking for it, and I believe in my voice and my audience who are committed to making change. This year for my birthday I thought about what it could look like to do something meaningful together. I’m anxious leading up to election day — yes, because of the results, and also because I’m uncomfortable with the potential of being surrounded by people who are so perturbed by results, yet aren’t clear enough on the significance of and ways to take action no matter what.

I’m sharing the following as opportunities to evolve all that you have learned into action this year. Reading is important. Learning is critical. And action will lead to impactful change. Learn what’s happening in your community. I promise and guarantee that where you think there is sufficient help, there’s not. I challenge you to think through your priorities and whether or not your day to do is aligned. These opportunities build potential for relationship building; be patient, be respectful, don’t take things personally, keep listening, and please keep talking with me.

1. Connect with your local Mutual Aid Group! Find a community garden doing seasonal clean up, learn who is coordinating the community fridge you keep walking by and connect with them, identify an organization led by BIPOC and ask them what type of help they need right now.
2. Identify ways to make your ‘job’ your ‘work’ — be an advocate within the spaces that you already occupy.
3. Donate! Develop a giving plan — include it in your budget and take a couple of hours to identify local organizations that you align with. When you give, connect with them…they may even invite you into their space.
4. Do your research and reallocate your spending — before you support something, be sure that you are aligned with their culture, values and employment practices. This means everything from your groceries, restaurants and wine shop, to your clothes and shampoo, to your podcasts, your cookbooks, your media, and your ‘influencers’. Capitalism has us all and it’s worth working towards aligning your dollars with your values. As my dear friend and colleague Chef Mavis-Jay put it earlier this week, “Convenience is a motherfucker.”
5. Be Unapologetic. Stand up for what you believe in and educate those who are misinformed. Do not shame and don’t let yourself be shamed.

Stay tuned for a longer list of resources…

SRP’s 2020 Recommended Reading List (in no particular order): BUY LOCAL (!) Check out www.bookshop.org to find an independent bookstore near you.

• Heavy by Kiese Laymon
• Girl Woman Other by Bernardine Evaristo
• Three Women by Lisa Taddeo
• Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Marie Brown
• Kindred by Octavia Butler
• The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson
• Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead
• Caste by Isabel Wilkerson
• Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler
• Dominicana by Angie Cruz
• Their Eyes Were Watching by Zora Neale Hurston
• Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi
• Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
• LOT by Bryan Washington
• The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett
• THICK by Tressie McMillan Cottom
• Trick Mirrors by Jia Tolentino
• The Book of Delights by Ross Gay
• Born A Crime by Trevor Noah
• My Grandmother’s Hands by Resma Menakem
• All About Love by Bell Hooks
• White Teeth by Zadie Smith
• Her Body & Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado
• Homeland Elegies by Ayad Akhtar
• The Burning by Megha Majumdar